do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize