I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
