And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
