he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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