3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
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