with your own penis?
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
