I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
