New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
