Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
