now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
