Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
