Cold hands, warm shart.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize