I'm so fucking centered right now
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
