Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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