i love accidental penises.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
