R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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