whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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