and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
My feet surprised me
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
