Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize