please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize