then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
