Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
