they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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