Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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