I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
