every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
