Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
i think im in europe. pls send help
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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