he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
