dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
