I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
