I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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