Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
How does it feel to date your dad?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
