i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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