You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
