Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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