he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Every concussion has its silver lining
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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