That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
