matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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