No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
