i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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