Please, let me fuck your mom
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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