Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
