Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Still dying that you shit outside
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
