I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
