I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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