So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
