please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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