omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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