In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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