I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
