32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
