There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
