Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
worst night to have a conscience
my shit smells like andre
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
