in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
