Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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