Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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