I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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