his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Randomize
