4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
