some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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