trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
