My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize