you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
This girl is more easily done than said...
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
