Your tits are I can't wait for
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
