Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
