Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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