So drunk its hurt
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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