Hey man sorry I got all grabby
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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