Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
